Inside Darren

It’s Halloween night. I’ve just arrived home from John Campea’s place, and while waiting at a stop sign to turn a corner, I noticed something out of the corner of my eye that I was sure, at first glance, was a centaur. At second glance, however, it was the side-view of a Great Dane standing in front of its owner, giving the collective impression of a centaur.

Halloween - it can really screw with the mind.

Anyway, on to the topic at hand: The reason I was at Campea’s place was that I was participating in the daily podcast for his website, The Movie Blog. I’ve been joining in on the Monday recording sessions for a few weeks now, and I guess I will continue doing so until enough people complain about my “unique” sounding voice, or until this site grows to the point where I’m a bigger internet celebrity than John is.

I’d prefer option 2, so start telling your friends about this site.

In the meantime, I thought I’d post some of my thoughts about being a part of The Movie Blog: Audio Edition, and let you know a bit of what goes on behind the scenes.

We record in John’s apartment, which is in downtown Hamilton, Ontario, Canada. The building John lives in is a unique residence unto itself. When I helped him move into it, we discovered that his new couch was too big to fit into the elevator, and after carrying it up 6 flights of stairs, we discovered that his doorway was too narrow to fit the couch through anyway.

The directory at the front door, where you buzz your friend’s apartment to be let into the building, shows only the name “Occupant” for every single person living in this six-story dwelling, with the sole exception of John’s place, which says “Campea”. That’s a little suspicious to me. And the elevator is always fitted with that “padding” which they put up when people are moving. Maybe there’s a high turnover rate at this building? Or maybe it’s just easier to replace the padding rather than to constantly scrub blood off the elevator walls.

Either way, I don’t think this apartment is the best option for long-term Hamilton living.

After I arrive at John’s, I sit down with John and Doug, pour myself a stiff glass of Coca-Cola, and prepare to do a sound check on the microphones. Doug and John have microphone stands holding their mics at mouth-level. I hold mine in my hand. John sits at his computer, while Doug usually uses a laptop during recording. I stare, transfixed by the recording-levels indicator.

We have some pre-recording banter, sometimes about what we’re about to cover in the show, but more often about Asian women, video games, and the secret struggles of those who seek to make an income off of the internet. It’s all stuff that would make for a great podcast, but which would also get us into BIG trouble with most of the civilized world. That’s normal for when boys get together. I’m sure most groups of women wouldn’t want the rest of the world to be privy to their conversations about contraceptives and Reality TV, right? Exactly.

After sound check, John hits “record”, does the intro, screws it up, and then starts again. As Doug starts into his crazy random interjections, I confirm the fact that 80% of my brain has shut down completely, and try to kickstart the remaining 20% into trying to find an opportunity to contribute without sounding like a first-year college student with a “Bacardi Breezer Tropical Orange Smoothie” hangover. (I actually have more university degrees than John and Doug put together, but when those degrees are in “Religious Studies” and “Linguistics”, it suddenly sounds less awe-inspiring, and more pity-inspiring).

After the recording, we have some more banter, and generally go out for food. Some sort of chicken product is usually purchased (wings, or fingers, or balls), and most of the time we watch part of a hockey game. John cheers for the Leafs, and Doug and I do our best to show we’re Canadians by pretending to be into the game.

On a side-note, I’ve never been into professional sports, and for some reason, whenever I’m watching them with someone who is, I repeatedly ask them questions about the rules of each game. “When can you make substitutions? Can the goalie check people? How do they decide who goes off for the penalty when there are too many players on the ice at one time?” I’m like a 5 year old kid at the movies.

When we’re done our chicken, we all head home, and I do my best to try to get something interesting up on this site.

If you’ve never heard the Audio Edition, check it out, and leave me a comment or two below as to what you think. Personally, I believe my thoughts are best enjoyed in printed form, rather than through audio-recording. Your own inner voice has gotta sound better than I do.